Posted by Miller on December 12, 2002, at 13:51:28
In reply to Miller, How did your appointment go? (nm), posted by Dinah on December 12, 2002, at 13:00:43
First of all, I want to thank everyone for listening to me and giving me advise. I appreciate it and really needed it.
I went to my appointment and was really sarcastic and mean at first. I find it very difficult to express anger. Anyway, He began by asking me how I was feeling. After I stared him down a while, I just flat-out asked him if he called the police. I think he was as surprised about them as I was. I also asked him why he never called back after the police left a message. He insists (I really think I believe him) that he never got the message and seemed very confused because the message was left at his house #. I think during the conversation he figured out why he didn;t get the message, but never admitted it to me. I left it alone. One of the things he said about it all which made me feel somewhat better was that I was telling him how I was freaking out when the cops told me I HAD to go to the Mental Health Clinic. He said he is sorry he wasn't gotten ahold of because he understands that I ended up with much more stress and anxiety over all of it. He knows I was at my breaking point earlier but had trust in me that I was getting my shit together. He said he would have done what he could to help me out or to meet me at the complex if the cops wouldn't have let it go.
As far as my suicidal feelings go, he and I are having our difficulties. I think he believes because he sees my life as improving and having potential, suicide shouldn't be an option. I am not convinced it works that way. He also thinks that because my self esteem is so low that I believe I am too bad (evil) to be fixed. At one point he said to me "I bet every bone in your body is wanting to scream 'I am bad and I believe when other people are negative about me'" I told him he is wrong and that my thoughts are "Why can't you (my psychologist) tell me HOW to stop the negative thoughts, habits, and reactions?!"
Anyway, since I didn't get a clear answer from him, I feel like I am in the same boat. I am very glad it wasn't him that called the police. I have enough trust issues without having to deal with something like that!!
Any ideas or opinions will be valued.
poster:Miller
thread:1790
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021109/msgs/1808.html