Posted by alexandra_k on March 6, 2005, at 20:01:46
In reply to Re: Losing Control, posted by Susan47 on March 6, 2005, at 11:51:30
>I'm sorry to the people who've read my threads and felt angst, and had to go away, or cried, because of anything I've said.
In my own case I have to say: Thats okay Susan. You help me. You help me feel less alone. You help me too, see?
>I'm really sorry to dump my sadness and my grief and all the physical stuff here. It's the only outlet I have, between T appointments.
Yeah. I can dump a bit too. Because there isn't anywhere else for me to do that.
>I used to call C's machine and say stuff into it, intense stuff that was too much for me to bear, I couldn't carry it, Would You Please PLEASE PLEASE CARRY this Burden for Me for Awhile????
>I Suddenly know, NOW I SUDDENLY REALIZE WHY I WAS PHONING!!!!
YAY!
> I feel guilty because I know I was asking him to carry a burden.
> And I believe he did carry it.
> And I believe that the carrying hurt him.It is hard to see another person in such pain and feel powerless to be able to do anything to help. That can wear you out...
> It hurt him more than it did me.Something I have had to learn how to do is to look after my therapists. By thanking them. Telling them how much they mean to me. Telling them when I am feeling a bit better. That kind of thing. I don't know if that is part of it for you or not... But I needed a t to show me how to look after t's. To help them not burn out. But I haven't learned that lesson well
:-(
:-(
I don't know what I'm saying here...> And he asked me to start carrying some of the load.
> But I wasn't ready, I wanted to hurt him
> Because I was jealous of him, his happiness.
> I wanted his happiness.
> I raped him, I raped HIM!!!
> It was my revenge.
> I took it all out on him, and he was so incredibly beautiful.
> And finally, he had to put down the load.
> But I wasn't ready.Oh Susan.
> And now I may be.
Can you tell your new t about this?
Maybe show her a couple of your posts??
> By he being him, and me being me,
> and his wanting and hoping for the best,
> and my wanting so very much, in the end, to please him,
> because I did love and respect him, him more than anyone....
> How beautiful can a person be?Yeah Susan.
Not all guys are like those horrible pigs who used and abused you so. Not all of them. There are decent people in the world. C was one. And there will be others in your life. Maybe you do need to learn how to care for them...How are you feeling today?
poster:alexandra_k
thread:466321
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/467546.html