Posted by Susan47 on March 6, 2005, at 11:40:50
In reply to Re: Losing Control » Susan47, posted by Toph on March 6, 2005, at 7:54:09
Dear Toph,
The rapes were real. They were real physical, "I'm going to have you" rapes. And I want to tell you right now, Toph, that both types of rape you refer to go hand-in-hand; they cannot be separated when there's a physical rape.Asd for those rapes, I'd blocked them out and taken responsibility for them all these years, even though in my head I'd said "He Raped me" I knew that, my heart said "You allowed it". They were much bigger, much stronger, and ruthless, but I still felt on a level that I'd allowed it. Perhaps the shame of those false feelings caused me more pain than I'm aware of.
I'm sorry to the people who've read my threads and felt angst, and had to go away, or cried, because of anything I've said. I'm really sorry to dump my sadness and my grief and all the physical stuff here. It's the only outlet I have, between T appointments. I used to call C's machine and say stuff into it, intense stuff that was too much for me to bear, I couldn't carry it, Would You Please PLEASE PLEASE CARRY this Burden for Me for Awhile????
I Suddenly know, NOW I SUDDENLY REALIZE WHY I WAS PHONING!!!!
I'm sorry I shouted but my God, what I just understand ...
poster:Susan47
thread:466321
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/467334.html