Posted by daisym on June 18, 2005, at 23:58:41
In reply to Re: Daisy, how are you today? » Daisym, posted by Tamar on June 18, 2005, at 15:22:42
>>>>I’m not entirely sure I understand. Does being a dutiful daughter give you hope of having the parents you needed? Or does it protect you from the parents you do have? Sorry, I didn’t quite get what you meant.
<<<<I think the dutiful daughter believes that if she can meet her parents expectations and their needs, she will win their approval and keep their love. I think she is the buffer between the "me" and my parents. The problem is, I hate her. She basically cowtows to them and goes to great lengths to keep them happy. Both mom and dad, but more dad. But I also need her, because I don't trust that I can handle their disappointment or disapproval. Besides, I don't know who I am, so I need this front to not feel naked and raw with them.
>>>>>>Having said that, I think we need to forgive ourselves somehow. It’s so easy to blame ourselves and to believe we invited abuse. I think that coming to believe it truly wasn’t our fault is a kind of self-forgiveness. (And, in my case, forgiving my body for betraying me.)
<<<<<Intellectually I believe this. I know it wasn't my fault. But I keep looking for "why?" and examining my ability to have been seductive or "bad" in some way. I know you know what I mean. I'm not sure what you mean about forgiving your body for betraying you...is it that you had a response or is that you developed? I struggle with this too. We've talked about it a bunch of times in therapy. My therapist is very blunt - "the body responds to stimulation. Even little kids feel pleasure, which is why they masterbate. The hardest thing to unravel is the braid of terror and pleasure that comes from this kind of abuse." I hate that my memories include body sensations. It is disturbing and confusing.
Thank you for saying you aren't sorry you asked. I still think I need to keep apologizing.
poster:daisym
thread:514967
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050615/msgs/515336.html