Posted by Dinah on August 18, 2009, at 9:50:30
In reply to Re: and maybe a silver lining..., posted by Phillipa on August 18, 2009, at 0:03:51
Not such a great job. I was screaming hysterically, scaring my family senseless, and too upset to even check him to see if he was dead.
It brought back that last morning so well. My running screaming from my room with that warm limp body in my hands. Running out the door wearing only a Tshirt that barely covered me and bare feet, my mother following to drive, racing to the vets, her bladder releasing as I held her, my screaming, seeing my vet driving down the road in front of us and honking him over, seeing his face even before he told us. He knew how I felt about her.
I spent so much time imagining any possible thing that could happen to her, and planning ways that it would never happen. She tended to follow me at my ankles out doors, and I developed whole OCD rituals to make sure she hadn't slipped outside with me, checking around my feet, driving back around the block to check again. I loved that dog with every fiber of my being, and with one careless movement, I killed her and took away not only her life but my joy.
She fell off the bed on occasion. I wasn't as careful then as I was after. I swooped down to scoop her up, laughing and intending to give her sympathy and kisses. I was laughing when I saw how still she was lying and that she wasn't getting up.
poster:Dinah
thread:912526
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/912794.html