Posted by Solstice on May 18, 2011, at 9:58:23
In reply to Cautiously re-engaging, posted by Dinah on May 17, 2011, at 20:52:24
> I've been seeing my therapist again. Cautiously. Things aren't the same, and in some ways that's good. Some ways it isn't. The roles are firmer again, the boundaries tighter, and while there is some feeling of loss in that there is also a feeling of things being as they should be. I think the boundaries might be comfortable for me more than bending them is gratifying.
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> He's not as central to my life as he used to be. It may be that he never will be again. I see that as mostly bad.
I think you are courageous. Especially because while mourning losses with respect to your therapeutic relationship... you are staying In it.. and wisely wearing appropriate protective armour.I'm thinking about how much we rejoice as our helpless infant children develop self-protection... when they learn to be cautious about what they put in their mouth... cautious about staying away from the edges of 'cliffs' (whether it be stairs or whatever).. cautious about avoiding other kids that are physically aggressive. So maybe walking into the therapeutic relationship with armour on.. although it feels less innocent.. your taking control of protecting yourself from harm may serve to protect the relationship. And maybe that will lead to growth in feeling competent to protect yourself 'out there' in the world-at-large in ways that set you free?
> We're currently talking about my living in my head as a way to avoid feeling things, and I have been given homework to do things with my hands and body instead of my brain.
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> His pet project seems to be to get me more involved socially in the non-cyber world. I suspect this is more important to him than to me, but if I'm to let him be my therapist I suppose I have to let him have his notions.
My therapist gives me grief about living in my head. I have difficulty 'wanting' to be socially interractive. T calls me a 'cave-dweller' :-) T says that living in my head is okay, but only as long as I'm doing it with others... in that what's in my head has to be shared in relationship with others.I saw my therapist yesterday, and we talked about the same stuff you're describing. My T has had a central focus on pushing me to get out of my cave for three years now. For about a year of that time, I stubbornly refused to budge. I preferred isolation :-) So I can relate to what you say about it being more important to your T that you get out, than it is to you. Just the same, though, from drawing on my own experience, I think that it's importance to my T is done on my behalf.. in that it would be more important to me if I truly realized how important it genuinely is. Yesterday my T pointed something out that I had to see the truth of. For all my resistance to getting more involved socially... I can't think of a time that I didn't enjoy it. I'm always glad I did it. The hard part for me, is making myself do it in the first place.
> It's not the same, and it will probably never be the same, and I grieve for what I had. I don't think I'll ever understand why people see growth as a good thing.Dinah.. there aren't many who are as good as you are at seeing every aspect of a particular thing. You have your eyes wide open to every angle. Your way of perceiving things is so characteristically balanced. You've said so many things on here that sound like you DO see growth as a good thing. Maybe.. because you see all the angles of things simultaneously... you're just more acutely aware of the inherent losses than most others.. so you grieve them.
Again... I celebrate your courage.
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:985589
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/985616.html