Posted by Solstice on May 22, 2011, at 7:56:54
In reply to Re: Cautiously re-engaging, posted by Dinah on May 19, 2011, at 8:10:43
> I suppose there are some advantages to not being dependent on sometimes less than dependable people who end up hurting you.
>
> But how can they possibly compare to the feeling of safety and warmth from running to mama when you're scared or tired or sad, and having implicit trust that mama will make things, if not all better, then at least bearable. Because most things are bearable in that state of trust and connectedness.I guess I haven't truly experienced what you're talking about here. I've ached for it... but my imagining of it seems to mock the ache... because I've never *known* it. I've known feeling deeply connected.. but I've knot known feeling exquisitely safe.
> It's all a matter of values. Growing up means a lesser degree of connectedness. Being a grownup, at its root, means an essential aloneness. It's lonely being a grownup. Yes, there are benefits to it. But by my values, all those benefits aren't worth a penny in comparison with the total connectedness of childhood.
>
> Having said all that, you'd think I *would* enjoy being around others. However, casual social relationships are not actually something I enjoy. For the most part, I don't find that I enjoyed myself afterwards. I might find it wasn't as bad as I thought, and I might be giddy happy from relief that it's over without incident. I don't understand the pleasure that is supposed to come from social chit chat. It ranges from mildly pleasurable to painful. While it's true that the happiest times in my life have been periods where I felt part of a group, there is a huge difference between feeling really and truly part of a group and being in a group of people.
I have trouble with some types of 'chit-chat.' I have a hard time staying 'in' conversations that center around what maybe can be called 'fluff'.... like shoes, hairstyles, reality tv, etc. I like conversations of substance, which is more given to one-on-one. As a rule, I'm not a 'large group' person, but sometimes they can't be avoided. In large groups, I tend to end up in conversation with just one person. I'm just not very good at the chit-chat 'fluff'.. except when the chit-chat is fun - playing around.>
> But I suppose I'll let him push me and see if I'm wrong.I guess the important thing is to let yourself be 'open' to new experiences. You just never know where it might lead.
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:985589
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/985938.html