Posted by alexandra_k on May 21, 2011, at 15:43:22
In reply to Re: Cautiously re-engaging, posted by Dinah on May 19, 2011, at 8:10:43
> I suppose there are some advantages to not being dependent on sometimes less than dependable people who end up hurting you.
> But how can they possibly compare to the feeling of safety and warmth from running to mama when you're scared or tired or sad, and having implicit trust that mama will make things, if not all better, then at least bearable. Because most things are bearable in that state of trust and connectedness.
Oh. For me... The fact that mama simply won't be there when you need her makes any comfort that might be had from relationships not worthwhile on balance. Saves me a lot of grief.
Like whatever good feelings I got when Bob was around. Simply can't compare to the absence of pain I got now that I don't even think about him most days. Whatever good feelings I got from my therapist. Can't compare to the absence of pain I got now that I'm disconnected enough to not care particularly whether I see him or not.
I might have said this before... But there was a sense of resentment about it then. That I had needs that couldn't be met. Now... I dunno... There doesn't seem to be such a need anymore. So I can accept the disconnect. Mostly.
Um...
i hear you on social chit chat being a bit hard to bear. That is one of the things I find wonderful about the gym. Firstly, not too many girls so no chit chat about girly stuff that isn't terribly appealing to me. Secondly, it is activity focused rather than talking focused. Guys... Gotta love 'em. I wonder if there is something like that... Something where there isn't much talking but some doing... I wonder if you might get some pleasure engaging in the activity alongside others. Not engaging in an activity for the main purpose of making an excuse for social chit chat but actually engaging in an activity where the main purpose is the activity and social chit chat that isn't task focused is kept to a minimum.
No idea what, of course...
Gossip is something I find hard to bear. What is it about people when you get them together?? Otherwise I'd suggest some charity organizing thing... For orphans or something. Dogs. I don't know...
Gardening? Might be a bit chatty, though. Shot put? Dance?
poster:alexandra_k
thread:985589
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/985879.html