Posted by Willful on May 27, 2011, at 8:31:34
In reply to Dear____ Post-session feelings, posted by Annabelle Smith on May 24, 2011, at 17:57:39
~~. "We ended up talking about meditation and tools for me to use, for what felt like the entire time. I am not trying to be obstinate, but am not that attracted to meditation and the tools you offer. I am going to try to try them, but it is hard to make myself want to. As I have stated earlier, I get this awful feeling that this will be "as good as it gets," that meditation is about toleration and there will be no deep, core healing-- you won't even attempt to go there, in the way that you would for your other patients (I read one psychologist who authored a book on BPD who said that one should not even attempt deeper healing with a borderline). Maybe you won't. Maybe you think that meditation and tools are all that we need, and that I just must cope on my own, that any deeper healing is impossible."~~~
I think that I don't know what the idea of "deep healing" means to you, but I do think part of why I don't respond is that without meditation and other tools, and successful use of an Antidepressant, I believe there is no chance for any type of healing. I even question the notion of deep healing as you say, because there is no epiphany, no moment of rapturous transformation or redemption that comes from therapy. What there is is the mundane simple daily work of talking about what's really wrong, concretely and thougtfully, of working through, trying to understand and to reframe and reorganize your OWN mind and heart, in the context of a caring, consistent helper, who can contribute to your process.
You seem to be looking for a religious or mystical transfiguration of some srot, without all the awkwardness, trudging, frustration, ups and downs, stalls and half starts and steps forward, that lead slowly to more steps forward--and backward--over time-- with eventual insights and growth, that happen through all that-- nothing dreamy or ecstatic, but just daily life, lived better or more fully-- if you're lucky.
Without medication and a lot of work, you'll have the inner pain and desire that you seem to treasure-- for something that doesn't exist really except in the way that you currently experience it-- a sort of self-destructive longing for the redemptive touch of some magical or divine finger-- In real life, that doesn't happen--- it can only be longed for if you don't have anything of substance that is better, even if more mundane.
Whatever therapist said he didn't try deep healing with people with BPD certainly meant something very different from what you're imagining. But without a calmer mind and body, as Annie said, none of this is even possible to attempt, because you won't be able to see how chimerical your longings are, and gradually be able to give up the desire to be a victim who is delivered from her victimhood to enlightenment-- which as I guess I'm trying to say, just an unfulfillable fantasy, not what can really happen.
Willful
Emsam.
Abilify
Provigil
Rilutek
poster:Willful
thread:986149
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/986338.html