Posted by Dinah on July 31, 2010, at 17:09:45
In reply to Re: Appreciation, posted by Dr. Bob on July 31, 2010, at 11:48:58
> Because I thought that if you accepted that you couldn't help everyone, then you might not feel too hurt.
How hurt I would be would depend on how surprised I was at the poster's choices, not on how I feel about myself. If it was someone I know doesn't care overmuch for me, I'd shrug my shoulders and tell myself that at least I tried to be supportive. If it was a surprise, it would hurt a lot more.
Of course I accept that I can't help everyone. What would hurt is if someone pointed out that I wasn't helpful (by rating others helpful and excluding me) when I tried to be helpful. Maybe it's the way my mama raised me. I was taught that one showed appreciation to everyone who tried to be helpful. If I failed to do so, I'd have had to have a long discussion with her about empathy before she let me out in public again.
I dunno. Maybe other people's mamas didn't stress this point so other people would feel differently about it. Perhaps your mama taught you different mores, so you don't see it as an issue to show appreciation to only some of the people who care enough to take time out of their days to try to be helpful to you.
What did your mother teach you about showing appreciation to some but not others of the people who give you a gift, depending on whether or not the gift was to your taste? If she didn't teach you that value, what value did she teach in its place? I'd like to understand how different people come to have different standards, in the interests of mutual understanding and better communications.
poster:Dinah
thread:952980
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20100714/msgs/956603.html