Posted by messadivoce on August 17, 2005, at 0:49:07 [reposted on August 18, 2005, at 7:18:17 | original URL]
In reply to Is it ok to have a kid with marital issues?, posted by orchid on August 16, 2005, at 20:13:19
Personally, I don't think that "peer pressure" is a good reason to have a kid. You didn't say that having a baby was one of your greatest desires, although it might be? But it didn't sound like that. I mean, a kid isn't a pet. It's not something you get just because all your friends are doing it. We are talking about a human life here.
I think, from reading past posts, that your marital issues are something to be greatly considered. If I am not mistaken, your husband has been violent with you in the past. I don't know if he has lately, but please remember that while you have the choice to subject yourself to that, an innocent, helpless child does not have any sort of choice or say in the matter. If this isn't going to change in your marriage, do you want to teach your son/daughter that it is okay to hit/be hit?
You also mentioned your health. I don't know a lot about your condition, although I did know someone with it. She has 3 children, but her marriage is very stable and supportive. That being said, motherhood is an ENORMOUS challenge just because of her physical limitations. Again, I don't know how bad your condition is, or what effect pregnancy will have on you.
I think the last line of your post says it all. "I don't feel settled in this marriage." That being said, I don't think it's a good idea to add a baby if you're not sure about your marriage in the first place. Kids deserve a stable, happy family. I mean, no family is perfect, but I think that kids need their parents to be happily married if their odds of thriving are good.
Sorry to be so blunt. Feel free to disagree.
poster:messadivoce
thread:543351
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/child/20050817/msgs/543352.html