Posted by 10derHeart on August 17, 2005, at 17:22:44 [reposted on August 18, 2005, at 7:18:18 | original URL]
In reply to Thanks all.. I guess the answer is no for now !!, posted by orchid on August 17, 2005, at 14:41:51
Age 30 is not "too late" to have a child. Women commenly have children well into their thirties.
I guess if you felt it was "too late," at any certain age, you would again have to decide to leave the marriage or not have children. Really, the other option just isn't one. I am very blunt, and probably offending you, but I'll take the risk, beasue you and any future, precious little ones are worth it.Orchid, I can only tell you:
I was in a physically and emotionaly abusive marriage. 18 years ago and the emotional scars STILL crop up - out of nowhere- to make parts of my relationships with others difficult to this day. Unbelievable to me, but sadly true.
I stayed in a battered women's shelter - with my then-4-year-old daughter (his step-daughter)on two occasions. Although it was a wonderful resource, this is not a pleasant memory for me or her. She still remembers it - mostly the parts about us and other people crying, and being sad and afraid :-(
Later, I participated in ongoing support groups (as a "survivor") for over a year, and also volunteered at that shelter.
Some of the worst abuse, the worst situations I ever recall from then, happened to women from the day they found out they were pregnant, and continued on past the birth of the baby. With all its joys and wonder, having a child brings up HUGE emotional, financial and marital strain that people truly underestimate. Men who have already exhibited loss of control seem to find the prospect of being a dad, with all its changes and responsibilities, VERY stressful. They often cope with this stress by hitting, hurting, or at the very least, saying horrible things and becoming (more) controlling of their partners.
It's ugly and scary to see. You don't want to invite this into your lives. You don't want to risk even possibly bringing a child into this. Everyone has already reminded you of the whys, which I'm sure you do appreciate and were already aware of - it's just tough to accept - I get that.
I know your husband is not like this all the time. But it doesn't matter, believe me. There is nothing in your description of on-again, off-again violence that differs from several of the terrified, distraught, pregnant women and moms I remember trying to comfort.
I care about you, orchid. Please maybe try to focus on the marriage itself, without the parenting part, for now?
poster:10derHeart
thread:543351
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/child/20050817/msgs/543359.html