Posted by All Done on October 9, 2006, at 17:00:44
In reply to Is it all my fault?, posted by All Done on October 3, 2006, at 16:10:52
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to post. I want to post to each of you individually, but I'm at work, so I'm thinking perhaps I should be, well...working.
The counselor, M, spent about an hour and a half at our house talking mainly with my husband and me. It was an interesting conversation, but I can't say I learned too much.
He doesn't think our son, n, needs any sort of counseling. He said this seems to be his only "issue" and one we can probably work out. No one believes it's a problem that needs to be solved, so to speak. I think we just need to help my son manage his feelings a little more. He's sad when I leave. Nothing's going to change that and I still believe it's a sign of a pretty healthy attachment. (M did ask my husband if he ever feels my son's attachment to me is a problem. He said sometimes he wonders, but generally, he thinks it's okay. I could be wrong, but think this might be a pretty normal response from a dad when the mom is the "primary caregiver".)
Anyway, there was a lot discussed. I think it was very helpful for my husband and he probably learned a lot. Including that I might be so attuned to n's feelings because of my own attachment issues with my T. He didn't say anything about it later, but I think it could help some of our conversations down the road.
In the end, M said there were a few things he could suggest, but he feels whatever we do needs to work for our family specifically. So, he was guessing the suggestion to leave n at daycare each morning with only a goodbye and "I love you", regardless of how hard he's crying or how upset he is, wouldn't be the best idea. He figured a month of that and things would be better. Knowing my answer he asked if I'd be able to do that. Nope. Personally, I don't feel that's the best way to handle the situation, and I don't have enough of whatever it takes to do that, anyway.
So, his main suggestion was the same as Gee's (thanks, Gee!) He would like to see us make a book with pictures of our morning and how it goes each day. Breakfast, getting ready, going to daycare, saying goodbye (hugs and kisses), etc. All, of course with a happy ending...Mommy always comes back. n will be able to look at the book as much as he wants each day and we can journal his feelings as we start using the book. M suggested when the book is done, I tell n I will spend 10 minutes with him at daycare in the morning. The next day 9 minutes and so on.
I think it's a great idea. If nothing else, it's going to give us a great project to work on together. But I'm willing to bet it's going to help a lot.
Sorry to ramble so much, again. I really do appreciate your wonderful, thoughtful replies. I hope I have a little more time over the next few days to get some responses written.
Laurie
poster:All Done
thread:691549
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/child/20050817/msgs/693375.html