Posted by karen_kay on June 20, 2007, at 15:45:48
In reply to diet stuff » karen_kay, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 19, 2007, at 17:21:53
i'll go to a different room thinking 'ok, it's quiet in here, i can eat' and i can't do it. i just don't ahve the desire to eat. and then, i get super-duper anxious about it, eating and all. i think i just think about it way too much. that's my problem. it's the 'anxieties' sneaking up on me again, with a combination of 'the topamax', making it difficult for my belly to want anythign in it, other than coffee and cigarette smoke, that is. not even the old lady drinks work any more. i've had the same six pack in there for over two weeks and i thik i still have a couple of them. i used to be certain i'd force down one per day, but i've given that up.
on the bright side, yesterday i did eat some cabbage (yummy yummy) and today, a lunchable (thank you mr kk). again, i think it's all in my head. i have this weird idea (and come to think of it, i've had ti before when i wasn't working) that if i'm not actually brigning in a apaycheck, then i don't deserve to eat (how f*cked up is that anyway?). i realize that i watch kids all day long (and i shoudl be making a zillion dollars for all the work i do aroudn this place, by god!), but some part fo me thinks that if i don't physically brign money into the house hold, then i don't deserve to eat, use shampoo (nope, if i run out, i keep my mouth shut until someone else speaks up about it, though they usually take showers at work). i feel i suck up enough resources with my chain smoking, that if someon edoesn't notice my meds are out, i won't tell (again, i learned how bad it is to stop topamax all at once with this stupid idea. i warned you, i'm warped...)
so, like i said, it's all in my head. perhaps i shoudl consider seeign another therapist? but, not my old one. she kept hasslign me about my insurance, so i'm not going back to her. i don't know the first thing about insurance, and was highly insulted tha tshe used the 'insurance' ploy to test my anxiety level (yeah, i guess that's a whole other thread for a whole other time... sorry.).
i'm glad you're doing better. at least with nutrisystem you don't have to try to remember to eat. or really even think about it either. you jsut go to fridge (freezer?), get it out, heat it up (not the salad though dear.. wilted lettuce is a no no!) and chew. you'll remember how, it's like ridign a bike. sure, you'll miss and bite yoru tongue a few times, but after a while, either it'll go numb or you'll get teh hang of it!
i'm proud of you dear. for taking care of yourself. i'm glad i had the pleasure of humping you. and the coffee was great. you know, you're the first...
kk
poster:karen_kay
thread:758152
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20061124/msgs/764522.html