Posted by shrinking violet on November 27, 2004, at 20:50:05
In reply to Re: Dilemma....PLEASE help » shrinking violet, posted by Skittles on November 27, 2004, at 0:11:06
>> I am so sorry your T said what she did. I would be crushed if mine said that. In my opinion, when you are dealing with difficult issues, you MUST be invested in the relationship before you can ever really face those issues.
--It's weird, because my T has said stressed that our relationship is important and part of the work, etc. But, I don't know, it's as if she pushes our relationship and her caring on me when I resist it, but then when I finally try to acknowledge it and maybe say I feel something for her, she seems to take it away or act differently. And it does hurt, what she said about my being "too attached" or however she put it. I'm going to bring this up with her because I'm not sure whether she is aware that she seems to go back and forth, but I need to point it out to her and figure out what it is she wants from me.
>>Problem is, I'm not sure what my T thinks about that and I'm afraid to ask her because I know if I don't get the right answer, I'll have to quit seeing her.--I understand, it's hard. Could you maybe bring it up in general, and ask her generally what her thoughts are on the topic, and not necessarily pertaining to you? I hope you do find a way to discuss it with her, because if it's handled the right way it could be a very interesting and meaningful talk.
>> As far as whether it's the therapy itself that is harmful.... I have no definitive answers but only my personal experience to share. I think that when we are in therapy we are continually working through our issues by talking about them (that's how we begin to learn to put them to rest) and that stirs up pain and emotion inside us. When we aren't in therapy, we don't feel that pain because we aren't continually dredging it up. For me, that doesn't mean that I've actually healed from it, but that I'm numbing my emotions again. That's how I've coped all my life and in the long run it isn't that productive.
--I agree with you. Another point I'm going to bring up with my T is just what you said: given the complexity and depth of my issues and hurt, isn't it "normal" for therapy to cause some pain and hurt in the process? She'd agree probably, but then say I"m in too much pain, etc. But I've also concluded that it isn't the therapy itself that's causing my emotional meltdown lately. Especially since I've only been seeing her for two weeks and since in that time we haven't yet really discussed anything "deep" that would have dredged up these kinds of feelings. Personally, I think all of my current problems are because I *haven't* yet found a way to let out some of this stuff. And I need and want to do that, but I just want to know that I'm going to have more support fom her before I do, because I know I'll need it.
>> So maybe that's why you were feeling better - because you weren't talking about all the crud on a regular basis. And now you are stirring up those emotions again. As far as twice weekly appointments, I requested them a few weeks ago and it hasn't been easy. On the one hand I am comforted knowing I will see my T more often, but on the other, my emotions are pretty much raw all the time.--I can see your point. I'm pretty raw right now though, so I doubt it would be much worse than this, and even if it was, at least I'd know WHY I felt that way (b/c of the issues in therapy). I have no idea what's going on with me now.
>>I hope over time that will improve though. I decided that I really needed this because my T might get inside a little during a session but I had a whole week to strengthen that wall and I was getting more and more distant. With more sessions, she's better able to take down the wall more quickly than I can build it back up.
--Hm, that was the theory behind my seeing her twice weekly earlier this year. It didn't last long though because I still couldn't talk to her much (my walls are very high and thick). Now, I think I'm finding a way to start to talk to her, but I also feel like I need the extra support. I hated to ask for it though. My T has been calling me all weekend....she called twice yesterday and I wasn't in any way fine, but better than I had been the day before. Today when she called I planned to address the issues of why she thinks I'm saying the therapy is hurting me when I was merely trying to say that I need more support from her because I'm having a harder time right now but I never said it was due to the therapy, and I need to address the attachment issue with her and discuss her comments and her reactions to our relationship. But she didn't call until about 8 PM tonight and by then I was a wreck having been crying literally for 6 hours by then, and then when she called she kind of seemed like she was in a hurry and didn't want to spend time on the phone, so I didn't talk to her much. I guess we'll see what happens when I talk to her next.
Thanks Skittles. And it wasn't too much about you at all. :)SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:420644
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041123/msgs/421094.html