Posted by Dory on August 31, 2007, at 11:45:00
In reply to Re: he called » Dory, posted by Dinah on August 31, 2007, at 11:34:02
i think you know more than you give yourself credit for Dinah (as usual? you are a big help and don't see it sometimes) (((dinah))) :o)
it does hurt... it sucks. i read "foreverwounded"'s post and i know that digestive tract/massive anxiety train too well. i am sure i'll lose a few pounds by the time i see him. i can't eat and everything seems to be going via the nearest exit. (sorry for being graphic)
i don't understand boundaries. i always thought boundaries were things like him not expressing too much of his own feelings, or even having too strong feelings for a client... or things like me not acting on feelings i might have, and knowing which feelings were ok, but not appropriate because of the nature of the relationship. i don't understand how this is boundaries... even though i am sure it is somehow.
i am not understanding a lot of this.
i do get what you are saying though... about the roots and all. i feel a little better knowing you understand and that is what i need... to not be alone.
thank you Dinah
much love and peace
> It sounds like he wants to be there with you for the long term. And while his redefining the boundaries might hurt, relationships are living things, and sometimes things need to be shifted this way or that. It hurts like h*ll. But the intent is to protect the relationship and let it thrive.
>
> My therapist told me once, and I wish I could remember the words, that the boundaries protected both of us, and most importantly the relationship. The way he said it hurt. But the fact that he cared enough about keeping the relationship vital was important to me too.
>
> Maybe if you can think of this as not something he did for him, or against you, but something he did to protect the relationship between you and give it optimal conditions for growth, maybe that would help you see it not as abandonment, but as commitment in the deepest sense. Maybe if you can see the entity as a still new and tender thing, springing with roots and nourishment from each of you, but separate in that it has its own needs to thrive that may not be identical with the needs of either of you? Or think of things in terms of what's best for the relationship? Which you'd like to see grow long and sturdily.
>
> I don't know...
poster:Dory
thread:779336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070822/msgs/779960.html