Posted by Lamdage on June 7, 2011, at 16:27:32
In reply to Re: Child Abuse/Familydysfunction.. lets chat, posted by emmanuel98 on June 5, 2011, at 19:48:10
> Death does solve a lot of problems.
> Not only death....a serious change of heart can come from things like a nervous breakdown.
>
> It seems we are a pretty rigid lot.Thanks for the responses! I feel ya on the death thing. A (to my eye) very wise man said that to me.. It wont really resolve until he in that case, is dead. Also i agree with the nervous breakdown.. it was something like this that was epiphany like for me and im glad i broke down. It was false ego that has collapsed.. i realized i couldnt fake around anymore.
"It seems we are a pretty rigid lot." Do you mean many abused kids? English is not my first language..
Death of the abusers seems to be a pretty relieving thing.. and to be honest i am looking forward to it, at least for my father.
I dont think i can ever forgive them.. and this is mainly because they utterly deny the fact that any abuse has ever happened and because they never stopped abusing. I think forgiving is optional. If forgiving means having empathy i think it is very harmful.
Well my life has just begun, im 22 so i cant really say how much of an impact it will have. I just recently quit all relations to them because i realized they wont ever change, they are viciously abusive until the last second of our relationship and due to the fact that they deny any abuse has ever happened.
The kind of abuse that took place was emotional on both sides. I grew up in the middle of an ugly divorce at age 5. They used me as a weapon to hurt eachother.. they both wanted to live through me/on my cost and i was ripped back and forth between them numerous times. My mother mistreated me physically.. i recieved blows to the face. Shed lock me up in a room over evening/night and tell me to pee in the trash when i told her i needed to go to the bathroom.
And i have for quite a period of time now felt that i have been sexually abused. That is my father. I dont have a clear memory i just feel it by the disgust i get by even his smell. I have hints in my behaviour/thoughts through the years that points to this direction, too. He has no respect for boundaries whatsoever. Potentially not even the boundary of my rectum.
Denial.. for me it was like i didnt feel anything for extended periods of time/most of my life. Only very rarely i would get brief but intense bouts of rage only to feel very ashamed of it an hour later. Once i wrote on a paper i hoped my father will die and how he disgusts me. But it would be all forgotten in no time after bouts of shame about it.
Now i know that this rage was my inner child, the core of my being, that i experienced for a total of like 3 hours in like 14 years. So yes i was in strong denial and i kept it alive with numerous behavioural and substance addictions.
It feels good to know that im not the only one looking for relieve through death (of them!)..
Ive been reading a helpful book by Alice Miller(free from lies), she deals with the topic in a way that compels me and has helped me deal with my feelings.
I think it would be cool to have a platform where abused folks can share and support eachother. This topic tends to wave into the background although it is the core problem of most mental illness and illness of society.
poster:Lamdage
thread:987213
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/987384.html