Posted by torrid on June 16, 2011, at 16:34:37
In reply to Child Abuse/Familydysfunction.. lets chat, posted by Lamdage on June 5, 2011, at 14:17:44
Interesting questions, I didn't read any of the other responces, I had an impulse to answer your questions
long term effects? yes emotional problems, life long relationship problems, very paranoid and scared of people. can't hold a job and I live on disability. now 47 and I'm recovering.
yes denile. early in life I didn't know that this wasn't normal. BUT at times when my mother was foaming at the mouth in a rage, I would look at her with tears in my eyes and think to myself this is wrong, your not suppose to treat me like this. just a passing thought. I was always trying to be good so mother would be happy. couldn't understand, I was just a kid nail bitting always scared my thoughts didn't go further then looking for ways to prevent mother from going nuts, cleaning my older sisters room after cleaning my own , being very effectionate, asking if she loved me 100 times a day. in my twentys I moved 2000 miles away and then big time denile. told myself my family loved me but they were far away so we were not together on hollidays. fell apart in my 30's and was very angry i told everyone what she did to us and I was the bad guy the wisle blower. I went from begging for her love to hating her. inside I wanted her love, I was pertecting myself. back and forth, love hate till now I see her as a weak person unreliable and I reduced contact with her to alnmost no contact at all. she has no love to give and there is nothing I can do to help her. I keep a safe distance.
forgive,I don't know but I forgot about it. it is part of my past and no longer in my present. No strong emotions attached to those memories anymore, just memories these memories no longer intrude into my present anymore.
I feel so alone right now too. I'm a product of my childhood but my life is my responcibity, blame has no place in my life, time to make repair. I'm no longer helpless victim
poster:torrid
thread:987213
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/988355.html