Posted by larryhoover on June 18, 2011, at 19:44:11
In reply to Child Abuse/Familydysfunction.. lets chat, posted by Lamdage on June 5, 2011, at 14:17:44
> Hey,
>
> im curious.. Are some of you willing to share their story/thoughts?
>
> 1. What impact did your parents (eventual) mistreatment have on your life?It had a profound effect on me, but more via negligence than by direct effect. I simply failed to learn how people interact in a healthy way. I had no guidance.
> 2. Where you in denial about it? How did you discover your emotions/ resentment?
I wasn't in denial. I was in ignorance. I simply didn't know what I didn't know. It took me many years of therapy to learn the difference between normal and typical. What I had experienced during my childhood was not typical, but it was normal for me. I had to be taught what "typical" was, so that I could begin to understand why I don't know things that my society would have expected me to know: appropriate things to do, things to say, ways of being.
> 3. Do you still have contact with them? Did you forgive them? Why?/Why not?
I can tell by your question that I am much older than you. Both of my parents have passed on. My mother was my abuser, both emotionally and physically. I learned that she may have been in some ways responding to my father, a life-long alcoholic. But I made peace with my father, and he had a great support from his community at his funeral. It was very comforting to experience these strangers (to me) coming out to his memorial service. In contrast, my mother would not allow any emotional conversersations during her terminal illness, and very much manipulated what we talked about, right to the end. There was one non-family attendee at her funeral, and I have never yet been able to visit her grave. I drive by it all the time.
They died five weeks apart, and I can barely imagine situations so dramatically different from each other.
> Id love to hear some of you.. i feel so alone right now
I appreciate the chance to voice my thoughts. I have hardly ever spoken of these things.
poster:larryhoover
thread:987213
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/988720.html