Posted by Lamdage on June 17, 2011, at 6:16:29
In reply to Re: Child Abuse/Familydysfunction.. lets chat » Lamdage, posted by torrid on June 16, 2011, at 16:34:37
> Interesting questions, I didn't read any of the other responces, I had an impulse to answer your questions
>
> long term effects? yes emotional problems, life long relationship problems, very paranoid and scared of people. can't hold a job and I live on disability. now 47 and I'm recovering.
>
> yes denile. early in life I didn't know that this wasn't normal. BUT at times when my mother was foaming at the mouth in a rage, I would look at her with tears in my eyes and think to myself this is wrong, your not suppose to treat me like this. just a passing thought. I was always trying to be good so mother would be happy. couldn't understand, I was just a kid nail bitting always scared my thoughts didn't go further then looking for ways to prevent mother from going nuts, cleaning my older sisters room after cleaning my own , being very effectionate, asking if she loved me 100 times a day. in my twentys I moved 2000 miles away and then big time denile. told myself my family loved me but they were far away so we were not together on hollidays. fell apart in my 30's and was very angry i told everyone what she did to us and I was the bad guy the wisle blower. I went from begging for her love to hating her. inside I wanted her love, I was pertecting myself. back and forth, love hate till now I see her as a weak person unreliable and I reduced contact with her to alnmost no contact at all. she has no love to give and there is nothing I can do to help her. I keep a safe distance.
>
> forgive,I don't know but I forgot about it. it is part of my past and no longer in my present. No strong emotions attached to those memories anymore, just memories these memories no longer intrude into my present anymore.
>
> I feel so alone right now too. I'm a product of my childhood but my life is my responcibity, blame has no place in my life, time to make repair. I'm no longer helpless victimYes.. i think the truth is our parents hate our freakin guts, anything else would be denial.
Funny thing is.. an emotional "vampire" like my father is one consistently points towards alleged weaknesses. The absurd thing is that, over time, alleged weaknesses become real due to the abuse. This is the goal of any abuser, find vulnerable spots and chip away your self esteem, destroy even your functionality through the described mechanism. I have quit contact to my family 100%, to all of them and it will stay like this. They are vicious people incapable of doing anything but destroying life and liveliness. The longer i live independently from them the more memories and instances of abuse come into my mind.
Even my brother abused me, he and a friend would keep my head under water until i was completely panicking every time and all the time when we went swimming. It was concealed as fun.. and even i had forced myself to laugh about it, but its awful abuse and no one did anything about it.Generally i feel alot better, now that i dont have any contact at all.
Btw I really dont feel that blame and recovery are a contradiction in any way.
Refractory atypical double depression, Severe
Social Anxiety disorder, medium
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, severe
Attention Deficit Syndrome, dreamy kind, mild
Wellbutrin150
poster:Lamdage
thread:987213
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/988485.html