Posted by shrinking violet on November 13, 2004, at 11:28:02
In reply to Re: T's address » littleone, posted by Aphrodite on November 12, 2004, at 7:46:12
I can relate as well.
I see my T at the Uni where I am a grad student. When I am on-campus I can easily walk by the building and look in the direction of her window and mentally say 'hi' to her, and usually that's enough. However, I have obtained my T's phone number and address even though both were unlisted.
As for her phone number -- she knows about it, but doesn't know how I actually obtained it. Earlier this year I was strongly urged to go IP for a few days (ED and depression issues). Since it was a 3-day weekend, my T had left her home number with the hospital and agreed to be "on-call" for me if I needed her; we both assumed that I would ask a nurse or someone to call her at home for me, if I needed her. During the intake interview, the doctor copied her number from one sheet to another, and I saw him do it and, since I can read upside down (I was sitting across from him), I memorized it as he wrote it. I feel badly about it now, even though I really couldn't help but see it, but at the time I kept saying her home number over and over to myself and (silly as it might sound) it served as a connection to her and helped with some of my anxiety. A few days later, while IP, I was having a meltdown and repeatedly asked the nurse to call her at home FOR ME. But, the nurse apparently couldn't be bothered, so she wrote my T's number on a piece of paper and HANDED IT TO ME. Eeps. So I called my T and told her and she was very gracious about it, and later said she was glad I called b/c she was worried, etc. But, she thinks I obtained her number from the nurse even though I had gotten it before then. I'm afraid to confess to her. I'm not even sure if she knows I still have/know her number. I'd NEVER use it, however.
As for her address....I have that also. I also recently rented an apartment about a minute by car from my T's house (I needed something closer to school so I woudn't have to commute 35 miles one-way anymore). I drive by her house sometimes, just to make sure everything is ok and quiet. I feel a little guilty only because the area is fairly small and safe (opposite from the city I moved from), and apparently people have no qualms about leaving their blinds or curtains open (and some windows seem to have neither on them) so anyone can look right into their homes as they go by. Granted, I'm always curious to know more about my T, but I feel a little funny about being able to see into her house as I go by.
I don't necessarily feel guilty about knowing where my T lives or with driving by (although a bit guilty with how I came to obtain her address in the first place). Does that make me horrible??? My T is pretty open with me anyway (not that she'd give me her address if I asked!! lol), so maybe that's why I don't feel like I'm intruding on her too much? Besides, the street is public property, and I'm not doing anything wrong by driving by (and at the same time I get to check out my new neighborhood a bit--ok maybe that's a lame excuse). If I were to walk onto her property and snoop around then that would be different but, I dont see anything wrong with driving by once in a while (although given that I'd never tell her about it, maybe that in itself implies there's something wrong with it?). She'll probably drive by my new apartment also -- maybe not purposely, but it's on a main street right near her home with lots of shops, etc, and chances are she'll drive by at some point.
I don't know, maybe I'm grasping at straws. I feel badly for not feeling badly enough, especially given most of you think it's wrong.
:( I'm not sure I could stop doing it though. *sigh*
Sorry little one....I wish I was of more help.
poster:shrinking violet
thread:414649
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041113/msgs/415423.html