Posted by Daisym on April 27, 2011, at 0:56:27
In reply to Why do we want our Ts to like us?, posted by pegasus on April 25, 2011, at 17:05:09
Having had this discussion multiple times in my own therapy, I hear my therapist saying, "Who doesn't want to be liked and cared about?" I think this is part of the human condition - most of us want to be likable people and have people who are important to us, like us and care about us. It is "how we are made" - if you will. There is nothing pathological about wanting those things. Are you hoping to make yourself not want him to like you or to not care if he cares? More fruitful questions might be, "what would you do to "make" your therapist like you - or what do you think you need to do?" Do you have to be perfect or do you hold things back? Why wouldn't he like you? Do you need everyone to like you?
I would argue that people who say, "I don't care what he/she thinks about me" either aren't being truthful or this is, at least in part, why they are in therapy. People who care about what other people think tend to be more sensitive and considerate of other people. I'm not talking about severe fawning to get people to like you or being fake, etc. But nice people usually get treated nicely.
Therapy needs to be a safe place in which to explore the dark and scary sides of ourselves. We need a safe base from which to venture and I can't imagine feeling safe with someone who doesn't like you. And when we care about someone, it is normal to want them to care back. It means we matter to them and they won't disregard our feelings and attachments in such a way that is hurtful to us. Again, I think we worry that we aren't supposed to want our therapists to care - or at least not too much - but I think that wanting this, and taking in the liking and caring, is actually healthy.
poster:Daisym
thread:983719
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110324/msgs/983859.html