Posted by Annabelle Smith on June 28, 2011, at 20:38:44
In reply to Re: update » Annabelle Smith, posted by sleepygirl2 on June 28, 2011, at 17:22:51
Thanks, Sleepygirl.
My therapist said something similar, I think. But it was really hard for me to hear through all of the hurt. I have also wondered: an opportunity for what. To use my skills that he is trying to teach me and that I am still struggling with? To try to see that I can survive even with such pain?
I felt so overwhelmed that I wrote to myself during my lunch break at work.
"How will you survive it?
What will relieve the tension?
Notice your thoughts
Distractions
Put your energy elsewhere?
Tell someone else--open out to others
Call my therapist.I ended up calling him. He must have either had his phone off or was on a plane (I don't even know where he is going). I left a voicemail message so he wouldn't worry when he saw that I had called. I told him it hurt a lot but that I wasn't going to act on my feelings right now. It just hurts.
I feel so paralyzed. I can't move here or there. I can't commit to one thing. I usually read a lot. But I can't even read anything. I can't decide which book. The only books I am attracted to are the ones that upset me the most. I don't know what to do with my time. How to be or what to do...how to spend my time. And so I don't do anything or be anything or spend my time in anyway. I just waste my time. In sessions, in my life, everyday. I feel like I wasted the session today. I dissociated, but it was like taking a third person perspective, getting lost for the flux of things to talk about-- so much to talk about, I couldn't choose one to focus upon and so talked about nothing at all for long. We did actually talk about a lot, but I just didn't feel really present for it. It was like I didn't show up for my session today. I have had better sessions, where I am more present. It just comes and goes.
I feel like I am on the edge of the deep end. Very unstable is how it feels. I feel empty and lonely.
Thanks, Sleepygirl, for listening and responding.
poster:Annabelle Smith
thread:989669
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/989719.html