Posted by Daisym on October 29, 2004, at 18:35:36
In reply to Re: maybe I'll go back.....but with conditions » Poet, posted by shrinking violet on October 29, 2004, at 17:19:42
sv,
I'm glad you want to go back and work things out. I have to tell you that my therapist would never allow a list of rules. He is incredibly easy going but when I started I would ask him about this or that and he would simply say, "that's not how I work." He wasn't strict or mean or anything, just a very patient, "that's not how I work." Now, he will say, "you know how it works in here." LOL, I still try to make him be magic and fix everything.
As far as the caring part, I'm guessing that my therapist would tell you, gently, that his caring is part of the healing. That acknowledging that we do have a relationship, and that we need to take care of the relationship, is a key part of the work. It use to make me really uncomfortable to talk about how I felt about him, he would put it out there and see if I would respond to it. Or I would say, "I need therapy" and he would say, "you need me" etc. It is a trust thing, I think. It is now so much easier, though not completely easier, to say, "I missed you over the weekend." It feels good and is scary as hell.
I hope you are able to have a frank conversation with her. It sounds like you do miss her, you do care about her and you do have a relationship, as hard as it has been. Good boundaries are important and if she is confusing you, she needs to know that. Good luck. I'd like to hear how it goes.
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:407966
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/408873.html