Posted by shrinking violet on October 28, 2004, at 18:54:38
In reply to she sent me a card :-(, posted by shrinking violet on October 27, 2004, at 14:20:36
Thanks to the responders here, I've been reconsidering my (rather rash) decision to quit (again).
Here's my thoughts:
A) I may call and make an appt and NOT email her ahead of time and ask her. When she finds out, if she doesnt want to see me, she can let me know, but otherwise i'm just going to call and set up a time and show up, which is nothing like me....Usually I'll email her and ask her if she can take me back.B) I'm going to go in and tell her specifically why I'm there: that I need help with some specific issues that are happening now (one is I'm moving), and also that I didnt like the way things ended with her and the way I handled everything, and wanted to try to change it. As far as all the other issues, I'll bring them up if/when I feel comfortable, otherwise I dont want her trying to pull anything out of me (which tends to shut me down more anyway).
Also I'm going to bring a list of "rules" that I'd like for us. Here's a few of what I came up with so far:
1. If i'm having trouble talking, I dont want her to assume i'm getting angry and start reacting to that. Also, I want her to just try to sit there and not talk for a few minutes to see if I can get out of it on my own.
2. If i bring in anything written, I have to read it aloud to her in session, rather than her grabbing it from me and reading it herself. Even if it takes me a while to get through it, I need her to just let me try to do this in my way and at my pace.
3. Absolutely NO talking of our "relationship" or how much she "cares," etc, b/c it's too confusing and I think I'm reading too much meaning into it and in the end it's just confusing and upsetting. I'll tell her that I know she cares for me as a client, and I appreciate it, but I think that's all it is and whether or not she is trying to, she makes it seem like it's more than that, and when I realize it isnt, it's just more hurtful than helpful.
4. If it's ok with her an she's willing, I want to learn some meditation/mindfulness/spiritual techniques which she had offered before but I never really answered her (she is a Buddhist and she offered to help teach me some techniques that may help with anxiety).
5. I dont want to get angry or react as the way I had been doing with her. I will promise I'll try to react to something *in session* or, if I end up having a latent reaction, I'm going to try to hold onto it until the next week and talk TO her about it, rather than throwing something at her from email.
I'll probably add to and edit the list as I go along...Can anyone think of anything I may be forgetting (from reading my posts, some of you may have a better idea than I do of what I should try to do to take control of and improve this situation a bit)?
Of course, I have no idea whether I can even go in there and "take charge" like that... Doing it in my head is one thing, actually doing it while sitting in front of her is something else.
And I do feel somewhat stupid going back AGAIN. Part of me thinks she knows I will, though. :-/ Hm, maybe I *should* as her first before I reschedule...Would it be presumptuous of me to assume she'd see me? I'm not sure...*sigh*
I hope I make the right decision, whatever that is.
Thanks everyone for all of the support and thoughts, I appreciate it. Especially now, when I feel like I'm whining about nothing while the rest of you have legitimate issues to post on and I feel I can't even respond to most of them because I'm never quite sure what to say. So, I'm sorry for that.
Thanks,
-SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:407966
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/408532.html