Posted by shrinking violet on October 29, 2004, at 17:19:42
In reply to Re: maybe I'll go back.....but with conditions » shrinking violet, posted by Poet on October 29, 2004, at 11:45:54
Thank you, Poet. I appreciate your support very much.
>> I don't think it's presumptuous of you to assume that she'll want to see you. I think that by making an appointment, not emailing her about it first, will show her that you realize you need to come back, but this time around it will be different.
-- Well, I sort of broke one of my own rules already. I did mail her (by postal mail) a small card I made on my computer. Inside, I wrote the following:
"Dear [name],
Thank you for your card…it was very thoughtful of you.
I just wanted to say that I have been thinking a lot about how I handled things (recently and in the past), and what I could have done differently, and what –specifically—I may want/need from therapy.
I feel I should tell you in advance that I am considering scheduling an appointment; I have a few things I need to say, and have come up with some specific issues I would like help with, as well as some ideas as to how to make things easier for both of us. I am letting you know this in order to give you the opportunity to refuse to see me, if that is what you might prefer. I am humbly asking for another chance to turn things around -- unfortunately, I cannot guarantee it will go the way I ultimately want, although I will try harder than I ever have -- so I would completely understand if you feel otherwise.
If I don’t hear from you or the office, I will gratefully assume that you will be open to seeing me at least once more, and I will call to make an appointment within the next 2-3 weeks, if I do decide it would be beneficial to do so.
Thank you.."-- I tried to do it the way I said I would, but, I re-read the card she sent me and I realize that it does sound pretty final (although she could have been responding to the email I sent when I asked to quit, which sounded very final as well). I keep thinking of course she's thrilled and relieved to be rid of me and her workdays must be so much easier and lighter now that I'm not her client. And, after all of the crap I give her, the least I could do is give her the opportunity to refuse to see me, instead of my just showing up. Not to mention feeling like a world-class idiot for quitting and asking to go back for the umpteenth time. None of those other times ended up being different, so why would she (or even I for that matter) think *this* time will be better? So, we'll see. Right now I'm convinced she'll politely say that we've done all we can, blah blah, and I'll be crushed beyond belief. We'll see.
>> I like your conditions. Therapist's always say that we are in charge, right? You have taken charge.-- Thanks, it feels better this way. Although, I'm not sure she'll be able to hand over control so easily. I think she's fallen into a habit with me of taking over sessions (and her personality is very much "hands on"), so it might be hard at first, but I want to try to turn this around. I don't want to regret how things ended with her forever, you know? If I can do something to try to change things and make this into a good experience in SOME way before I graduate, then it would be worth it. I just hope she feels the same.
>> I think she'll be more than happy to help you learn to meditate and learn mindfulness. I do guided imagery in therapy. I think it's a very non-threatening way to lead me to talk about the stuff that is so hard to tell her directly.-- I think she will too. I just have to get over the self-consciousness (I always feel so silly doing things like that...).
>> My therapist keeps telling me she cares about me even though I told her not to say it. She says that I need to accept it and that I can't control her feelings. I suspect yours will say something similiar. I gave up telling her not to say it, now I just glare at her. She glares back.-- Perhaps. I just at least need to let her know that it confuses me. For some reason she also seems to have this NEED to know that she cares and for me to admit that I know she cares. We've never really talked about it in any event....we've always sort of danced around it, like mostly everything else...so maybe by my bringing it up we'll be able to sort of figure it out and maybe it'll become easier for me to accept and understand.
>> Maybe you can read her your conditions? If she tries to grab the paper, look at her and say *rule number 2, if I bring in something to read, I read it outloud to you.*-- LOL That's cute, and you're right, I would need to refer back to the rule! I had planned to march in, sit down, and start reading off (not solely read, but use it as more of a guide). That way, she'll definitely know this time I mean business because I've never done that before! And I think it'll be VERY hard for her to sit there and let me read off without her knowing what's on the page. So, it'll be interesting if I can pull this off.
>> I think they are reasonable and clearly should show her that this is what you think will help you to benefit from therapy.--Thanks, I hope so. I've written to her suggestions in the past. She's read them, but never really listened or applied them in any way. Maybe my saying them will give them more weight. I think she's stopped hearing my words in writing ( I've given her so much, I think they've lost any impact they once had), so hopefully my saying these things will get through to her more effectively.
IF she agrees to see me, that is.
I hope I'm not making a mistake...
Thank you for your thoughts, I appreciate themSV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:407966
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/408844.html