Posted by Daisym on July 11, 2005, at 20:35:27
In reply to Re: Need help figuring out feelings..... please? » daisym, posted by LittleGirlLost on July 11, 2005, at 15:19:33
I think we have the same therapist! :)
We had a whole conversation (again) today about calling vs. not calling. He makes the point that sometimes a 5 minutes phone call will provide the reassurance I need instead of wasting hours of energy not calling. I said, "I don't even know what to say sometimes, or what I need..." He said, "just say, 'AAAHHH!'" I had to laugh.
We spent a lot of time on this idea that I'm "too" attached to him, or too dependent. He reassures me that he is OK with it, and that he expects it at this point in therapy. He said that we are in deep, and we need to go deeper (yes, I shivered) and so the attachment is really necessary for stability. I am so frightened that admitting this huge need will drive him away but he shakes his head and says nope. He thinks that meeting the need makes it manageable, denying the need makes it bigger and more voracious. He said then people act out to get the hidden need met and his experience with me is that I'm much more stable and productive when I allow myself a lot of contact with him. He is right.
As far as crying goes, I guess it took me a good 9 months or so. I had to learn a whole new language to describe my feelings and then I had to learn to tolerate the feelings. The tears sort of came out as the younger parts came out. It just takes time to build that trust that you won't be rejected for your tears, or punished for them. I tried to gage my hormone levels to see if they played into crying or not, but I can't correlate it. It is really about how vulnerable I feel or what he touches. If I'm afraid or anxious, I almost never cry.
I'm so glad she is back safely and that she called! I like getting messages too, and I guess I'm lucky, because my therapist is very good at leaving them. He never sounds in a hurry and you can hear his emotions in his voice. :)
Thursday is a long time to wait but you are in the home stretch. Hang in there.
Hugs from me,
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:524903
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/526403.html